Work sucks shit Quiz

Hello Fans,

Welcome to the jingle jangle jungle as the old Bob Rose used to say......

Work.

Yes, I know it's all for the good of the country and if we all downed tools and curled up on the couch with a bong or a Barbara Cartland the whole joint would collapse in shit smelling flames by smoko.
I also remember that old Indian version of Kermit the Frog (Mahatma something or other....) saying "Work is love manifest", but that's coming from a guy whose main claim to fame was to make sitting round in a doona cover look important.

We're all running around like mad things, doing anything we can to try and scratch a few bob together so we can have a flutter on the nags or buy a new hip or whatever. But do we like it? (of course not. What a stupid question...)

I know there's a whole bunch of your snooty types, who fancy up the fact that they too have to drag their arse's out from the waterbed on a daily bases and schlep it off with the rest of us by calling it a "Career".
But you ain't foolin' no one.

You can call it "Active Expressionism " or "The Dialectic of Labour Exchange" or "Free Wheeling Cosmic Experience plus Tax", but no matter how frilly you tizzy up the old linguistic frock, the fact remains you have to wash it, iron it and drag it over your head come metaphorical Monday morning and slug yerself off to some shit bloody thing so you can make some moola to keep the wolf from eating your underpants.

It shits everyone. C'mon..admit it...
All those "Look at me, I'm so embarrassed to be honoured" types that clutter up the television, having achieved so much in their chosen field of bloody endeavour, all neglect to mention the fact they've all faked needing a shit so they could while away a few solitary minutes in the bog wondering why they don't just pack it all in.

So...given that we all hate it (those of you saying "But I love my job" can fuck off and adopt another bloody orphan or scrape some oil off an endangered seabird, for all I care.) this weeks quiz will find out just how much spleen squeezing contempt you have for your job, so that you can be safe in the knowledge that work is just a shitfull beast, designed to eat the few precious moments you have in this existence so that instead of climbing those mountains, or building that dream or learning to be the world's funkiest bongo player, you're stuck answering the phone to a bunch of people who feel exactly the same way and want to take it out on you, because you are other people to other people.

Right. Now put down your bottle of sleeping pills and prepare to take ..

The "JUST HOW MUCH OF MY FEW PRECIOUS BLOODY MOMENTS OF EXISTENCE AM I GOING TO SPEND DOING THIS STUPID JOB WITH THESE BUNCH OF ARSEHOLES ?"quiz.

Start revving your engines! We're away!

1) When I wake up and realise I have to go to work my first thought is

a) Noooooo! Jesus Noooo! For the love of God anything but that,,,,please have mercy...there must be some way out...think Goddamit .....think......!!!!!!
b) Mastercard rang again and threatened to cut off my legs.
c) When is this Bird Flu gunna kick in so I can chuck another sickie?
d) Maybe I should start dating the elderly and work some sort of inheritance scam

2) Complete this sentence. My workplace is..

a) Like being hit around the body with a big stick made from boredom
b) Like being on Planet of the Apes during the annual Poo Fling Festival
c) Like being in a sort of waking nightmare that I try and sleep through
d) Like taking eight hours to shit a bowling ball

3) My ideal job is

a) Being asleep
b) Being asleep and having an orgasm
c) Being asleep while having an orgasm and eating Chocolate ice cream
d) Driving a truck through space with and Orang-Utan side kick and having wacky adventures in the 8.30 time-slot

4) I find my co-workers

a) Like the inbred children of Larry, Curly and Moe
b) Hiding in alcoves
c) To have extra or missing chromosomes
d) To be natures finest laxatives

5) I'm entered my current field of employ because

a) That Judge had it in for me
b) The Australian Ballet said they wouldn't pay to reinforce the floor boards
c) My history of hard core porn movies, white supremacist tattoos and having my nose removed for Art still meets with narrow minded prejudice
d) I've been fired from everything else

6) When I daydream at work, I think about

a) Throwing the stapler at that fat bastard who breathes on me at the water cooler
b) Find the most inflammable object I can and flamming it.
c) Going back in time to be the first untalented white person to play bad jazz
d) Starting a cynical Quizblog that I can hopefully fool some body to pay me for

7) The best job I ever had was

a) PIg shooting in the Territory back when you could make your own gunpowder
b) Writing erotica for the school newspaper
c) Back at Rollin' Burger where you could throw hot food at the customers while you got your skating together and the boss just laughed and told them to piss off to McDonalds if they didn't like it
d) Playing bass with my experimental electro funk act "Grover Groover and the Smooth Manoeuvres"

8) Complete this sentence. A good day at work is

a) Up there with World peace, multiple orgasms everytime, fried chicken that makes you skinny and looking good at the beach after you turn 50 as an idea
b) Standing around watching your building burn down and getting the phone number of a spunky fire-person
c) Only possible with just the right cocktail of Prozac and Acid
d) When the blessed redundancy fairy showers you with pay out dust

9) I hope that by retirement I can

a) Walk without wobbling about and complaining about how good legs used to be back in my day
b) Have enough money to afford to live in a brand name cardboard box
c) Stop working stupid jobs that give me the shits, with a bunch of well meaning idiots who have to schedule a meeting to contact a consultancy group to stage a three month study on whether or not they needed to have a shit and is it cost effective to wipe your arse.
d) Find a rest home that allows you to dance the Boogaloo naked.



Well. Howd you go? Ready to pack it in and start living your life? yeah....riiiight.....
Now stop watching freak porn on www.superdoodles.com or colouring in your arse of Facebook and get back to work....


Til next time

Cheerio!

Mick 'An hour simply isn't long enough to get my lunch groove on!" Dog